Things I've learned

That school work and housework is never really done.

That life isn't a bowl of cherries...sometimes it's grapefruit.

That no matter how many times you say you won't, you do.

A puppy is the best medicine.

That no one else is in charge of the toilet paper.

That roses come with thorns.

That .PMS stands for Pass My Shotgun.

That God gives you permission to buy that on sale skirt.

That it really isn't your thyroid.

That raindrops are God's tears.

That I wasn't born with a silver spoon. Mine was plastic.

That trees really do clap their hands for joy.

That leftovers can cause weight loss.

That you will always have a boss.

That you can untie a shoestring but you can't undo a word that's said.

That the unexpected happens

That we are responsible for what we do, unless we are filthy rich.

That the world keeps on spinning every Monday morning.

That a cat will sit wherever a cat wants to sit.

There is no rinse, spray in or glob on that will keep hair from frizzing in a mist.

That your heart can break and no one is the wiser.

Thunder is God moving His furniture around.

Lightning never strikes featherbeds.

That you can cry and laugh at the same time.

That God is in the valley too.

The line at the department store is always slowest where you stand.

And the car in front of you moves like molassas.

It's a good thing to buy a coffee pot that shuts itself off.

That after age 70 everything falls down.

There is a free lunch....on your birthday.

Babies are softer than anything man made.

Thou shalt not forget the grocery list is commandment number eleven.

That a size 8 bikini is not meant for a size12 buttocks.

And stretchies aren't either.

That the Son shines in darkness.

The weather could care less about your plans.

Americans love a parade; ants love a picnic.

Worry won't make you any taller.

Gray hair means you are aged, not distinguished.

Wet autumn leaves make me sad.

You can keep vomiting long after you think you're finished.

That after the pain, comes the sunrise.

That your car signals can warn you that your trunk lid is ajar, that your left rear tire needs checking, that your engine needs servicing, and that your seatbelt isn't on, all at the same time.

That you can't put a sale price on friends.

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