Beginning the New Year with Super Glue

Thursday, January 10, 2013

I started out New Year's Eve by supergluing my fingers together. It took about two days to remove all the glue.

I was doing a stupid thing anyway. I knocked one of my Christmas ornaments onto the floor and broke it. It was a shiny stagecoach, expensive for a tree ornament. What broke was a delicate wheel on the stagecoach so I decided to repair it. I gathered the broken pieces and headed for my Super Glue, alias Krazy Glue.

Well, the last time I used Super Glue I swore I'd never touch that stuff again.

But while shopping at Fred's, I dropped a two pack of superglue in my cart. One could always use superglue along life's highway. The package said that it bonds instantly on metal, rubber and most plastics. Instructions caution to point tube away from face and body.

I opened the self piercing tube per instructions and started trying to glue the wheel.

It wouldn't work. The glue would not adhere to the wheel which was made of a shiny metallic substance. I tried over and over again, ultimately breaking off another piece of the wheel.

I used more glue..big mistake. Oops!

I pressed hard on the tiny pointed tube and next thing I knew a glob came out and glued my middle fingers together; My ring finger and the longer finger were meshed as a just wed couple. And there was an additional dab running down my index finger. I'll never know how I got Super Glue on all my fingertips but I did, including my thumbs.

I ran for the sink and some water and ultra Palmolive, but of course, soap and hot water didn't faze the glue. Not one bit. Some of the black metallic color of the wheel had also come off and now my fingers were not only glued, they were black tipped.

What to use?

I tried rubbing alcohol but that didn't work. Then I tried hydrogen peroxide, followed by Suave maxi hold hair spray.

No luck. Then I tried Oxymagic spot remover, followed by 409 all purpose cleaner. As a last resort, I tried Old Dutch Cleanser with bleach.

I tried lots of different soaps but that didn't work either.

Somewhere in that bathroom cabinet, I knew there must be some fingernail polish remover but after an hour of searching I came up empty handed.

Then I tried a steel wool soap pad. You know the kind you use to scrub pots and pans. That did remove a dab of the glue but not enough. I would rub my thumbs over my Super Glued fingers and they were like sandpaper, rough like a lumberjack's..

"Why, I can't go anywhere looking like this," I thought. 'My fingers look dirty and feel disgraceful."

Now that isn't the only reason I stayed home on New Year's Eve, but I did stay home.

I decided I would watch the ball drop in New York City while I sat on the couch looking at my superglued fingers.

I told my son I was going to stay home and watch the Times Square ball bounce.

"No, ma. The ball isn't going to bounce," he corrected. "It's made of crystals."

And that's what I did.

At one point I did go dig out my yellow Happy New Year's plastic top hat just to add a bit of festivities to my one-woman party.

I danced about the room in a last ditch effort to save the night.

Then I decided to leave all the revelers on CNN and hit the sack.

I would contend with the remaining Super Glue on New Year's Day.

And that's what I did.

When I told a neighbor about my dilemma, he said, "It'll wear off."

At least, that was some comfort.

But he was right.

It did wear off.