Neckties and Earrings

Thursday, September 18, 2014

We are gluttons for punishment.

Fashion year after fashion year, we subject our bodies to fashions that should have stayed in the store. Some are hazardous to our health. Men's neckties, for instance.

Humorist Lewis Grizzard said that men who wear neckties all the time tend to be high strung and nervous because they've got this piece of cloth tied tightly around their necks. It's ties, not cholesterol, that causes most heart attacks and strokes. Ties, too, cause baldness in men because the tie hinders circulation to the scalp causing men's hair to fall out.

I believe women are subject to the same malady and consequences when they wear choke chains or girdles.

Earrings are another fashion trend that should be abolished.

I'm of the old school who has yet to have her ears pierced. Day after day I wear clip earrings and suffer with pinched ears that cut off circulation to the brain. Who, I ask, can concentrate and be productive when she is suffering from pain radiating from red clamped ears?

I have bought or been given hundreds of earrings, give or take, during my lifetime. That includes earrings for sensitive ears and earrings with those tiny cushions that pad the earlobes. None are comfortable in the long run. At first, they feel okay, but the longer I wear them, the tighter they become and the more they pinch. The remedy? Get your ears pierced, I'm told.

But I've heard war stories that involve getting the ear lobe ripped or getting severe infections requiring antibiotics, and pain. I'm chicken and I don't like pain.

The other evening I saw a woman wearing some skinny stilettos. She was walking tall all right but walking on tippy toes hurt her ankles and put a frown on her face. I remember a famous doctor saying that two things should be banned from a woman's wardrobe.....knee highs and shoulder purses. Maybe he should have added stilettos too.

But, actually, today most women are purchasing more sensible high heels with less height and wider platforms reminiscent of grandma's days.

Remember those pointed toe shoes in the 60's? Women, and men, tried to convince themselves that toes crammed into an ice cream cone space, were comfortable. They soon faced the agonizing truth and pointed toes left the fashion scene. I still have one pair of those pointed high heels in my closet. I can't imagine that I ever wore them, but I did.

Many fads come and go. Remember sack dresses, Nehru jackets, leisure suits and mini skirts? They're hanging in closets all across America, like a has-been actor hoping for a comeback.

Let's hope neckties and earrings follow suit. And after consideration, I think we need to add pantyhose to the list.