Figuring Out a Woman

Thursday, December 11, 2014

It seems to me that men ought to understand women by now. Women have been around since Adam and Eve, maybe before.

And they haven't changed that much.

When a woman asks a man if she looks fat in a certain outfit, she certainly doesn't expect him to say, "Yes." That would be near fatal. When Eve asked Adam if her fig leaf made her look fat, do you for one minute think he said, "Yes."

What a woman expects is that her man will say, "Of course not, honey. You look wonderful." Surely, by now, he knows the correct response.

So, a man doesn't get it that a woman likes a closet full of shoes. If he doesn't understand about mauve, taupe, turquoise, lime green, gladiator brown, and sun-kissed sandals, maybe he never will. He doesn't need to. He just needs to acknowledge that she has an obsession with shoes.

And what about a woman's hair? He should know that she isn't content to leave it its original color, or texture, or style. If it's curly, she wants it straightened; if it's long she wants it shorter. She wants it teased or highlighted or dyed or frosted. No, she certainly isn't content to leave it the color she was born with. Why can't he understand that a woman likes change.

And speaking of hair, she will try 50 different brands and types of shampoos and conditioners as she searches for the effect she wants. He buys the one that says shampoo. Her makeup table is a mystery to him. It is loaded with lipsticks, perfumes, lotions, face creams, blush, eye makeup, brushes, powder. He has one deodorant and maybe one spray cologne. Some men skip the cologne.

So, she moves the furniture a lot. That dates back to cavemen days when she was stuck at home while her man speared supper in the wilds. She was bored looking at the four cave walls and wanted to spruce things up a bit. So she decorated the floor with a bear skin and hung elephant tusks on the dirt walls.

Okay, so you don't believe there were cavemen who pulled their women around by the hair of the head. But you get the idea. Men ought to know that women don't like to be yanked around by their tresses today either. But women do like to move furniture and decorate.

By now, men should have learned they can't change a woman. The idea that one gender can think and feel like the other if they truly love each other is hogwash.

It would be a boring relationship, at best. Think of the sexes as ham and eggs, biscuits and gravy, macaroni and cheese. They are different but they complement each other, same as man and woman.

Understanding is another matter.